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One of the greatest disappointments in Dan Le Batard’s life, personal or professional, is when Disney lawyers stepped in and prevented a hippo at Miami Zoo from being named Dan Le Batard. They were afraid, understandably, that an enraged hippopotam-ass would escape and trample nearby neighbors. Disney didn’t need the headaches of headlines that read, “Dan Le Batard Escapes, Trampling To Death Eight Homestead Humans.”

So corporate was kind enough to donate $10,000 to Zoo Miami, which was super sweet, but did not soothe the other human hippo names Dan Le Batard. On his first day of unemployment, Dan used his new freedom to rewrite the ending to this story.

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